I WOULD love a Chihuahua. The smallest breed of dog in the world, they are cute, cuddly, timid, one-person affectionate little bundles of fun with big ears and adorable faces. I would also love to own a Louis Vuitton bag, preferably in brown and tan. I would then transport my Chihuahua in the Louis Vuitton bag. 

imagesI am always fascinated to see this spectacle, mostly in France and, to be more specific, in Cannes, Nice and Paris, chic places I have recently visited. Example. I was enjoying a coffee at Cannes railway station when an elegant/affluent couple arrived and sat opposite me. The lady was carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. After about ten minutes, out popped the head of Chihuahua, ears first of course, and eyes quizzically scanning its surroundings. A minute later, out popped another pair of ears. Both dogs then jumped out of the bag, one settling on the lady’s lap, the other on that of the gentleman. I caught my train and, having arrived in Paris, was stood in the queue for the Eurostar connection. The female traveller in front of me was carrying a Louis Vuitton bag, out of which popped the head of a Chihuahua.

img-thingMy immediate thought was that this could only happen in France. Well, half true, anyway. I have just been to London for a meeting with the Buffalo Niagara tourism board. Whilst I was waiting for the train at Newark station, I went into the cafe to purchase a newspaper. A woman was sat on a chair with cup in hand and a bacon butty in the other. Not exactly sophisticated, admittedly. Beside her was a large carrier bag. And, you guessed it, I could just make out the ears of a Chihuahua… in a carrier bag, for goodness sake! Has the world gone completely mad? You cannot carry a lovely little Chihuahua around in a carrier bag from a local supermarket!

The Chihuahua’s doleful eyes caught my stare. I could tell exactly what the poor little mite was thinking. ‘I would kill for a Louis Vuitton bag.’ Ma petite woof-woof, if only I could help. I would gladly snatch you away from this monstrous dog transporter, if only I had with me a Louis Vuitton bag. But I do not own one.

FullSizeRenderNeither do I a Chihuahua… yet. Now, having said that, my wife’s hairdresser Brian has a Shitzu bitch, which he recently had crossed with a Miniature Poodle. I thought they were called a Shitpoo, but apparently it is the other way round, so I shall refer to them from here on in as a Pooshi. Anyway, the birth four weeks ago produced two dogs and a bitch. All three are black. I have been smitten by the bitch. Not exactly a Chihuahua, I admit. But then my current bag does not carry the Louis Vuitton label either. On eBay, second-hand LV bags seem to be trending at around £900, about the same price as a Pooshi. If I only had £900, what would I go for, you may ask, a bag or a Pooshi? Which can I live without for a while?

Oh yes, and do not let us forget a Chihuahua in this equation. I note on a couple of websites that the price is around £400-500 for a puppy. Now, let me think about this. I could possibly stretch to two Chihuahuas, but then would have nothing to carry them in. Mon dieu. Quel problem. How easy then, I wonder, would it be to cross a Pooshi with a Chihuahua and buy a Louis Vuitton bag, then I could have all three in one? A curly-coated Pooshi with Chihuahua ears, being transported in LV brown and tan heaven. Voila.