I WOULD love a Chihuahua. The smallest breed of dog in the world, they are cute, cuddly, timid, one-person affectionate little bundles of fun with big ears and adorable faces. I would also love to own a Louis Vuitton bag, preferably in brown and tan. I would then transport my Chihuahua in the Louis Vuitton bag.
I am always fascinated to see this spectacle, mostly in France and, to be more specific, in Cannes, Nice and Paris, chic places I have recently visited. Example. I was enjoying a coffee at Cannes railway station when an elegant/affluent couple arrived and sat opposite me. The lady was carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. After about ten minutes, out popped the head of Chihuahua, ears first of course, and eyes quizzically scanning its surroundings. A minute later, out popped another pair of ears. Both dogs then jumped out of the bag, one settling on the lady’s lap, the other on that of the gentleman. I caught my train and, having arrived in Paris, was stood in the queue for the Eurostar connection. The female traveller in front of me was carrying a Louis Vuitton bag, out of which popped the head of a Chihuahua.
My immediate thought was that this could only happen in France. Well, half true, anyway. I have just been to London for a meeting with the Buffalo Niagara tourism board. Whilst I was waiting for the train at Newark station, I went into the cafe to purchase a newspaper. A woman was sat on a chair with cup in hand and a bacon butty in the other. Not exactly sophisticated, admittedly. Beside her was a large carrier bag. And, you guessed it, I could just make out the ears of a Chihuahua… in a carrier bag, for goodness sake! Has the world gone completely mad? You cannot carry a lovely little Chihuahua around in a carrier bag from a local supermarket!
The Chihuahua’s doleful eyes caught my stare. I could tell exactly what the poor little mite was thinking. ‘I would kill for a Louis Vuitton bag.’ Ma petite woof-woof, if only I could help. I would gladly snatch you away from this monstrous dog transporter, if only I had with me a Louis Vuitton bag. But I do not own one.
Neither do I a Chihuahua… yet. Now, having said that, my wife’s hairdresser Brian has a Shitzu bitch, which he recently had crossed with a Miniature Poodle. I thought they were called a Shitpoo, but apparently it is the other way round, so I shall refer to them from here on in as a Pooshi. Anyway, the birth four weeks ago produced two dogs and a bitch. All three are black. I have been smitten by the bitch. Not exactly a Chihuahua, I admit. But then my current bag does not carry the Louis Vuitton label either. On eBay, second-hand LV bags seem to be trending at around £900, about the same price as a Pooshi. If I only had £900, what would I go for, you may ask, a bag or a Pooshi? Which can I live without for a while?
Oh yes, and do not let us forget a Chihuahua in this equation. I note on a couple of websites that the price is around £400-500 for a puppy. Now, let me think about this. I could possibly stretch to two Chihuahuas, but then would have nothing to carry them in. Mon dieu. Quel problem. How easy then, I wonder, would it be to cross a Pooshi with a Chihuahua and buy a Louis Vuitton bag, then I could have all three in one? A curly-coated Pooshi with Chihuahua ears, being transported in LV brown and tan heaven. Voila.